I used to be super private about my tumblr and now I basically give no fucks. LOUD AND PROUD, BITCHEZ!

sorry i dont fit into any one stereotype and damn Portland is so confused by me because i am a femme lesbian and i fucking love makeup and shoes and i am regularly referred to as sarah’s “stoner girlfriend” and ok it’s true, but that’s not all i am. i will also very happily talk books with you, in detail, and fuck you with my beautiful strap-on and then make you cookies, smoke, and eat all said cookies save for one because that one is yours.

rants like this are what happens when i sleep literally all day and i have so many thoughts in my noggin.

Things to be happy about

—Golden Globes are on tonight, as well as season premieres on Enlightened and Girls.

—Sarah and I have been holed up in her apartment for like 4 days and we haven’t killed each other yet AND we went out on Friday night like normal young adults.

—My girlfriend is legitimately my best friend.

—My interview has been rescheduled for this week so I don’t have to actually go anywhere today.

—My period is basically over.

—The sun is kind of out.

—I just popped the best eyebrow zit.

Scroll past if you hate love

Because damn, I love my woman. Just received a beautiful holiday gift basket she made my family. Today I had a flower arrangement sent to her home for her family. I can’t wait to be there in 2 days! I’m never as secure and content with life as when I’m with her.

taylor swift dubstep is my favorite kind. don’t kill me.

Aight, bitches. I have an interview today for a wonderfuuul new nanny job, then I’m hanging out with the babies I currently watch tonight. If I get this job, I’ll have to quit the one I have now which is going to BREAK MY HEART. Marcella and Case’s little smiling dimple faces are the highlight of my day, but they’re going to preschool and I need full-time hours. That brings me to this job, a new set of toddler twins. Both little girls this time, which is going to be an interesting twist. Plus a full-time job means I can comfortably move into my own apartment, YAY! Decorating!

Also, listening to Taylor Swift’s new album is the only way I can get anything done. So suck it. I KNEW YOU WERE TROUBLE.

11 days until I leave for Arizona. and I’m wearing cashmere socks right now. That is all.

Things to be grateful for

-my family
-Sarah
-Sarah’s family. Honorary Gaspari 4 lyf.
-I’m moving into my own apartment soon.
-Antonio
-my cat
-my mom is making homemade mac and cheese and sliders tonight. With a VERY broken foot. If she’s not my hero I don’t know who is.
-coffee
-sunny days

I’ve been waiting two weeks for my new laptop arrived, and it finally has! I’m so excited and it’s gorgeous, and light, and has a bottom made of carbon fiber. And today I made cookies and worked and saw The Master with my babyyyy. Joaquin Phoenix is a genius. P. T. Anderson=genius.

Now Sarah is taking a shower and I’m making her tea then we are going to watch Sopranos and go to bed. Some days things work out as they should.

I have an interview, I’m doin a happy dance! It’s at a preschool and I think the hours are flexible enough that I could still watch the twins I’m with now. I’ve been with them almost a year and have grown so much, I’d be heartbroken to have to leave them altogether; they have to cut my hours for preschool though.

Anyway, I’m happy and I think both jobs would help me earn enough to take a quarter or so off and save money. I want to be an adult, dammit!

I’m so content right now. Yummy food in my belly, got great deals at target and ulta, AND my beloved kitty is purring on my shoulder. The only things missing from this day were my daddy and my Sarah. Wish they both could’ve been here! I’m thankful to be such a lucky girl.

why people gotta cheat?

My mom has been in a very unhappy marriage for the past 10 or so years…She and my stepdad have stayed together for various adult reasons, like mortgages and a young child. She has been so strong over the years despite being unhappy and lonely. I’m so proud of her. 

One of the reasons they’ve stayed together unhappily is because he refused to leave. She found out last night that he’s had a girlfriend, for who knows how long, and he’s finally leaving. She’s happy, but numb. I am disgusted. My mother has very nearly supported my stepdad for a long time. She pays for everything. EVERYTHING. This upset has taken me by surprise, so here I am writing this to gather my thoughts, instead of getting ready for class. 

Also, I ate sushi for breakfast which is contributing greatly to my nausea.

First week back recap, yo

I am going to school full-time, but I managed to squish my whole class schedule into just Monday and Wed. so technically my first week back at school is over. YAY! I am in class 1-9 those days without a break but I think it will be worth it. Math is boring and biology is agonizing, but it’s all doable and my Spanish class is wonderful! My profesora Carmen is this tiny middle-aged woman from Madrid with a thick accent and frizzy red hair and a great sense of humor. And I have a new friend in it which makes nearly anything bearable.

I feel happy and fulfilled in love and life. The only fly in my pie (is that the saying? what the hell is that phrase, “fly in my” something?) was the man sitting practically on my lap on the bus watching porn on his phone for 20 min. It was rather uncomfortable, as you may imagine.

I cry because I love you. I cry because I miss you. I cry because you’re a part of me I didn’t even know was missing. I will take what is left of you and I will nourish it and help it grow. If this is what you have to give, then this is what I have to take. This is everything I have to give, and it’s only yours to take. I have no knife.

Fuck yes summer 2012

With Sarah gone for 2 months I have far too much time to myself so I am aiming to get shit DONE this summer.

• I want a 2nd job for the summer to keep me busier and make extra $. Already have 3 interviews for this week!
• Exercise more. I set up a beginning kickboxing lesson to see if I like it and my sister and I bought two classes of “sensual dance” classes for exercise.
• Read more. Currently reading Diane Keaton’s memoir and next is the journals of Sylvia Plath.
• Write more. Bought a pretty leather journal last weekend and I’ve written in it every day so far.
• Spend more time with my family. Looking for a book club in Portland to join with my momma.
• Get my school shit figured out. I need to get this damn degree over with. Crossing my fingers for PSU but my transfer grades are fairly awful. I’m hoping to appeal the decision if I get rejected.
• Treat ya self. Finally going to buy that Marc Jacobs watch I’ve wanted for 100 years.

Get over it, girl. Breathe and move on. We both got our prizes.